The galaxy, for all its wonders, cannot make a decent cup of tea. I have tried. I have tried on spaceships, in restaurants, and once in a machine that claimed to understand Earth beverages. Every attempt has been a disappointment.

The digital watch was a low point in human civilization. This may seem like a strange thing to say while stranded in space, but I have had a lot of time to think about it, and I have reached the conclusion that the digital watch was wrong.

There are many things I miss about Earth. High on the list, just below tea and a functioning door handle, is the full English breakfast. It is the only meal I have found that can make the universe feel, however briefly, like a sensible place.

If you are reading this, you have almost certainly just watched your home planet get demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass. First things first: Don't Panic. Second, locate your towel.